In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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