i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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