My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
