I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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