I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
