Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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