there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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