Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I am midnight drunk by noon
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
