fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
