you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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