I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
