So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
We're too hungover to prance.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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