thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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