she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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