I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Just cropdusted the office
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
