and my herpes radar will keep us safe
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
