You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
