If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
