cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
