Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
