I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
