I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
