even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
