Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
