I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
