Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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