too bad you live with your parents still
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
