I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
