if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
