dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
