all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
