Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
