I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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