just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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