guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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