What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
We left the knife in your bed.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Randomize
