wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
