I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
