I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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