Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
