Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
