did you get engaged???
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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