you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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