the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
