that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
