1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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