his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
