I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
We got so high we made milksteak
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
