also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
