In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
