I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Found your dick twin last night
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
